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12 Ways to Say “I’m Sorry”



For your enlightenment, allow us to present you with a list of the 12 ways:

1. The American Sorry
Use: When you have to step on someone's foot to get where you are going.
Example: "Sorry, buddy."
Meaning: I'm sorry you're in my way.

2. The Canadian Sorry
Use: When someone has stepped on your foot.
Example: "Oh! ... Sorry!"
Meaning: Hey! Watch where you're going, jackass!

3. The Occupational Sorry
Use: When your co-worker wants a bit of your time.
Example: "Oh, sorry. I'd love to. But I'm...busy."
Meaning: Life is too precious to waste on you.

4. The Subversive Sorry
Use: When a customer would like a bit of your time.
Example: "Sorry?"
Meaning: I'm not being paid enough to make you happy.

5. The Supercilious Sorry
Use: When you're the customer.
Example: "I'm so sorry to bother you. Do you think you could go see if you have one in back?"
Meaning: I don't couldn't care less if you're happy, you're being paid.

6. The Sexual Sorry
Use: When you've screwed up.
Example: "I am really, really sorry. Really. I'm so sorry."
Meaning: I know you're mad, but I will say whatever I have to in order to sleep with you.

7. The Counter-Factual Sorry
Use: When you wish you'd said something about your foot being stepped on.
Example: "So I told him, sorry, you just can't do that."
Meaning: In a parallel universe, there is a version of me who is brave.

8. The Intellectual Sorry
Use: When someone is spouting intellectual nonsense you can't even understand, let alone rebut.
Example: "...Sorry?"
Meaning: You don't even know what all those words mean, do you?

9. The Schadenfreude Sorry
Use: When tragedy strikes someone else. Especially when it could have struck you.
Example: "Ohhhhh, that's terrible. I am so, so sorry for you."
Meaning: Thank you, God.

10. The Unrepentant Sorry
Use: When you have just kicked someone in the teeth who really, really deserves it.
Example: "Sorry."
Meaning: See? I'm a nice person. Just not to, y'know, you.

11. The Authentic Sorry
Use: Canadian television (only).
Example: "I am sorry for what I did. It was wrong. And I am sorry."
Meaning: Actual regret.

Um, I didn't understand one of Will and Ian's categories. So it's not in the film. Sorry.